mizzing :(

i am alive , i still breathe the
poluted air of the freaking world .. but

you know what? i should be dead ,
lifeless and rotting in a solitary grave
without a name. i shouldn't be
living ...why? 'coz there's a big graping

hole in my chest, a space of empty void
and NOTHINGNESS existing to eat away
the broken soul within me ...

i should be numb, not feeling
anger and sorrow, joy or fear, grief or
strife... these feelings do not belong to
'me. to experience them means i am
able to live life the way i want. to feel
them i should be traveling around the
world seeing many places. to realize
them i should be holding somebody's
hand and kissing his lips, looking at him
in the eye, see myself reflected back.

but i don't ... 'coz im ALONE, im sick and
im ordinary for not having a single penny
under mt name ..

yet, in other ways than that i'm
RICH ! why? 'coz i was able to create my
OWN WORLD, a place where i am GODDESS and
i play guitar. i can soar above the sky
like an EAGLE. i can plunge into the
OCEAN and swim with the fishes in the
deepest sea. i can shout and sound as
THUNDER or snap my fingers to make

LIGHTNING. i can CRY all day and make
the rain come down. i can LAUGH & SMILE
all i want while the sun BLAZES under
my command. i can do just about
anything but i couldn't
ask anyone to

created my own world become a GODDESS
while everyone else lived in the same
old woerld and shared their lives with
each other . . .

it is SELFISHNESS that is so plain to
see, i'm ALONE in my OWN WORLD and nobody
lives in it with me. i then realize i cannot
be GODDESS .. for i am HUMAN. i can create
WORLDS & UNIVERSES but i can't create
someone like me. i have been FOOLISH

to think that my world will be everyone
else's world ...perhaps i'd rather be
in a small world, sharing my life with
everyone else ..

now iam alive, i still breathe the
polluted air of the FREAKIN' WORLD ... but
you know what? there's no gaping
hole in my chest, no space of void and
nothingness, i can only hear a sound
now, a BEATING a word that repeats over
and over again throughout my LIFETIME:

L___O___V___E